Time Spend With Myself

14th November 2009

2 am

Dear Diary,

Today was the day of my life when i felt mood swings to full extremes. Day began with quite great mood after all i had 9 hours of sleep after long time. Regular college routine after that..somehow managed to pass the most un-important irritating phase of the day...seriously i wish i could change my college in fact i want to leave it in between..but unfortunately i can't afford too..or rather say i dont have any option. Chucking this part of the day and moving ahead...

Had some shopping to do. So made a visit to city square, a so called mall in my city. After getting angry looks from many shopkeepers for not buying their stuff...finally made owner of "Yougal Sons" (shop name) happy by buying some clothes from his shop...and finally exhausted with 2 hours of shopping entered dominoes, luckily got my favorite corner seat.

"Wish i was a billioniare"...were the thoughts when i was about to order the pizza...tight at pockets..i ordered Rs35 pizza the cheapest available and a bottle of coke..

collected my pizza within few minutes, and back i was at my favourite seat...which had the bird eye's view of the jammu city....spent 90 minutes with the pizza and that time spend with myself was really required...

hundreds of thoughts were running simultaneously through my minds..including "why the pizza box is square though the pizza is circular.. :p"

there were some thoughts which literally brought tears to my eyes...i have changed a lot since 4-5 years...have gone more emotional which i dont remember i ever used to be..i spend hours thinking about small things which have no importance in my phase of life..!! People keep saying try to enjoy college life, atleast attend the functions of the college... but i am now totally fed up with it...how can i enjoy a life in which i spend 85% of time with people i hate the most....still i manage to keep a smile on...

Feel like crying..no longer in mood to tell you the story for the rest of the day.

Good night diary..

Don't Want to Go College..

My summer break just ended, it was superb - a very needed one !! Approx about 40 days, it was total fun from start to end; school friends, cousins, some very much prolong problems were sorted out, started learnin guitar, watched a trillion movies, rains, and the best part no studies ! Last time i had such lovely time it was in 12th class..and its been 2 borin years of college since then. I almost had adjusted myself in the crap college life though some part isnt that much crapy :P...learned to make perfect excuses, learned to lie, learned to bunk, learned to cheat, learned to survive in unsurvivable environment, learned to feel happy just coz i got passed by a margin rather than scoring a good score, and the best of all found a special friend with whom life seemed better at college! BUT this 40 day enjoyment ruined my adjustment!

Now i no longer feel i can adjust back there..; i had almost stopped missing my school life, i had almost started enjoyin college..but it seems its no longer!! I was always physically present there at college, but never mentally and emotionally !! Wish i cud end my college life here today itself, but reality is other way around :(

I always dreamed of a better life at college than i had at school, but that never happened. My school life is like something unexplainable..i knw many of u must be thinking "Abh bas kar rahil, jabh dekho school - school - school, come out of it..." I know u r absolutely correct, i shud come out of it but i cant do that!

But whatever i think or say, in the end i have to go college, its 8th Aug and my college opened since 1st Aug...i havent gone college yet, avoiding it completely. But this cant prolong for long, something must be done..i dont knw what that is...

hope u cud give me the solution..!